Thankful

Tonight I spent sometime with some ladies who were selling products for different companies. One of the companies was a clothing line company. I was urged to try on some of the clothes and "model" them. So I did. They kept on commenting on how good I looked and how they would never be able to pull such an outfit off like I could. And I came away from that experience amazed. I do feel so much better about the way I look. It was an encouraging time.

I explained to my husband tonight that I have a hard time relaxing and enjoying my life because I feel like I should always be doing something productive. That's why I have read so many "self-help" books because I think that I'm still doing something productive. For many years I wouldn't read fiction because I thought it was a waste of time and I should really be learning something instead of actually enjoying reading. In the last year I have learned to enjoy reading fiction again, but right now I'm going through a spurt where I almost feel guilty for reading for enjoyment. There are many things I enjoy doing, but I really have to settle down before I allow myself to do them. But I am learning and I will continue to learn to relax. My husband encouraged me that maybe reading that book by Dr. Colbert isn't what I should be reading right now as it's another book that I'm trying to use to figure something out. And he's right. So I will probably lay that book to rest for the time being.

But I did pick up another book I started reading in January again tonight and found myself chuckling. It's called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. It's a good book with common-sense ways to overcome worry. I highly recommend it. I've only read through half of the book and the part I did read in the beginning of the year has helped me through so much so far. This book is for encouragement, not a "fixer" for me. That's what I think right now anyway. Ha!

I have to be careful right now to make sure I enJOY my life to the fullest! And to make sure I do that on purpose.

You know, I'm going to start living life right NOW and to live in the NOW...no, I'm not going to be stupid and not plan ahead for those things that need planning (the Lord knows I do enough of that anyway). But I'm tired of constantly worrying about what ifs and holding my breath for "just in case", and regretting something I said or did the day before. I cannot do anything NOW about those things from before or that are before me, but I can live my life right now and enjoy right NOW what God has blessed me with.

Five things I'm thankful for right this moment (this is something I would like to think of each day--but I may not post it):

1. My husband, who is so wise, wonderful, and patient.
2. For my kitties, who bring such joy into my life.
3. For my friends, who support me and love me no matter what.
4. For indoor plumbing (I could kiss the person who invented the toilet! Now come on, I know you are thankful for that too! Ha!)
5. For the sound of the rain...oh, it's beautiful!

"Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]." James 1:17

Addicted to Stress?

Yeah...what a question! But I could be, I really could be. I started reading a book last night by Dr. Don Colbert called Deadly Emotions. My mother-in-law bought it for me knowing that I've dealt with some stressful things in my life that have effected my physical body. In the last few months I have realized just how much stress effects me through headaches, stomach problems, break-outs on my face, etc. It's so interesting to me. So I'm thinking this book will be full of some good information and will explain more things to me.

And so I wonder if I have been addicted to stress. Dr. Colbert talks about how people become addicted that the adrenaline rush and live from one stress to another. Last night I really wanted to find a book or something to read that would help me grow in different areas, like being nicer or something (ha), but I realized that I was trying to find something to help another flaw I might have in my life. (I really am a nice person by the way. Ha!) I have bought SO many books to "help" me. And they are all Christian books, but just because something is a good thing doesn't mean it's a GOD thing. They are excellent books, but outside of God's timing, I'm really wasting my time. I want HIS help! He has lead me to read books, half of books, etc. to teach me things. And when He's the one leading me to those books, it's awesome, but when it's on my own, I start to panic. All of a sudden I'm feeling pressure that I *have* to do those things the book says and I need to be perfect in this area right away. Information is good, but for me, too much information is an ugly thing.

In the last year I have gained 10-15 pounds and I truly believe it's from stress. That cortisol has gone right to my tummy!

So I am going to be praying and asking the Lord to help me relax (more) and for His peace that passes all understanding. I have nothing to worry about! God is my pilot, and He will lead me beside still waters. He will be with me as I walk through the valleys. He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. He is my comfort!!

Amen!

Here again

It's been awhile since I've posted here. I was on vacation for a few weeks and I'm now getting back into my routine. I hope to post more here.

What has happened with eating like a "normal" person since the last time I wrote? Well, I think I've actually released some weight (about 4 pounds), but I've also had a lot of diet thoughts running through my head. A few days ago I signed on again (yes again) with Weight Watchers online. I believe the Lord allowed me to do that so He could show me (hopefully once and for all) that man's set of general rules do not apply for every person. My body seems to require more fuel than the "points" prescribed by WW. It's discouraging when you are several points over and you are very hungry--so hungry to a point where you will hurt someone if you don't eat something soon. I always have felt so defeated with dieting because there was no way I could only eat what they suggest.

Last night I felt like I needed some encouragement, so I went to "God Is Doing A New Thing" and was encouraged by Heidi's enthusiasm. And this morning I did another day of the Thin Within workbook that is taking me well over 12 weeks to go through. (It's a 12-week workbook). I have so much peace about following my hunger signals...so why, oh WHY do I keep on looking for a miracle? If it's not Weight Watchers, it's South Beach. These thoughts bombarde my mind.

I am also keep on hearing the thoughts that tell me if I would only eat a certain way, then I would get pregnant. But it's not about what I eat. I have faith and I'm believing that God will bless us with children. There are plenty of women in this world who eat all of the food they can get their hands on, and they have children!! I wish that lie would completely leave my head and I never have to think on it again! I'm not unhealthy; I'm healthy!! I have nothing to worry about! (Just giving myself a little pep-talk there)

Have you ever been scared? You know what I feel like I'm scared of right now...getting down and dirty with facing some issues. I'm terrified to open a book that will challenge me or that might make me cry. I'm not ready to face those things. I have a wonderful life, but because of the hard time I went through with emotional healing, it's hard for me to even open a book that might touch on more emotional healing. I know that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, but I guess I don't even want to think about handling anymore of that. (Which probably shows right there that there's more to be done). I've noticed it's hard for me to be still and just relax. My mind is constantly going and I'm constantly keeping myself busy with things so I don't have to face reality on some things. And when it gets too quiet, I find something to eat. So that's probably why I have weight to release, because I have looked to food to help me through emotions.

I'm not a big person. I have 20 pounds to lose. But what scares me is that in the last year my body has changed so much...and never before did it go through such a fast change like that. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want food to be my sidekick to get me through tough situations. I want to go to the Lord's feet and cry out for His help.

The other day I ordered a study called The Lord's Table which is probably a lot like Thin Within, but hey, I will take any help and encouragement I can get because I know what I'm dealing with is emotional things. I think it's other things too, like when I tell myself I cannot have something right away I feel deprived and want to eat it like it's going out of style. Why is it that candy bars all of a sudden look so much better than they did before when you tell yourself you cannot have one? There's nothing wrong with eating a candy bar. God doesn't have all of the rules about eating in the Bible...at least not like all of the rules the millions of diets have.

I feel so aggressive right now. I can even see it in my writing. I wonder if I've put up a shield to try to protect myself from something. I don't know. But the Lord knows and He will help me.