This past Monday, I was making breakfast and this quick thought came to me about weighing myself. I hadn't weighed myself for weeks. It's not something I do very often because I know what it can do to my mind. I told myself, "No, you shouldn't do that. It may discourage you and it may make you want to eat more." And then the Lord told me it was ok, so I did. I got out the scale, stepped on it and couldn't believe my eyes! I released 5 pounds!! Praise God! I was super excited. I haven't seen my weight that low in a long, long time!
All the glory goes to the Lord!! He did it! And this was with NOT exercising, NOT eating "healthy" food, and NOT being consumed with food. Praise the Lord!! This was done with spending time with Him, allowing Him to reach into those places of my heart, eating mindfully without distractions, and eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was full. God's way is the best way!!
Oh, and I wanted to mention too that I've been noticing the flavor of food. I think it's because I'm actually slowing down to eat and wow, the textures and tastes amazing!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Temptation
Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from God; for God is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own evil desire (lust, passions). Then the evil desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is fully matured, brings forth death. Do not be misled, my beloved brethren. (James 1:12-16)
With the discussions that have been taking place on the Yahoo forum I have learned that gluttony is sin...and so I'm also safe to say that overeating is sin. At first this truth made me want to run because I didn't want to believe it. But the Lord continues to drive the point home that it indeed is sin. Food has been something I have lusted over in the last few years, without even realizing it. I'm thankful that the Lord has shown me so I can move toward that victory in Jesus.
There are so many addictions out there. Today I was talking with someone about the addiction of pornography and I was thinking, "Why can't these people just stop?!" And then the Holy Spirit reminded me of how food has been like an addiction to me and reminded me of how difficult it has been to walk away from it, or as some say, "Quit cold turkey." It's hard with food because you need food to survive. It's a basic necessity.
A lust is anything we allow our flesh to be consumed with. I was consumed with food. I remember I would spend each night writing down the food I would eat the next day and making sure I didn't eat more calories than I needed. This was a daily ritual and I think there was only one day of the many months that I did this that I actually stuck with my plan. I was consumed with thoughts of food. And it drove me to want to eat more and more. It became a god to me. And then after calorie-counting it was Weight Watchers points, and then it was worrying about eating healthy. I was in a lot of bondage over it. But praise God, He has set me free! I am no longer dealing with those condemning thoughts that I *have* to eat a certain way in order to have this or that happen. (I talk more about this in an earlier post)
But praise the Lord, He provides a way out of EVERY temptation!! "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Cor. 10:13). I can choose NOT to make the choice to be consumed with food. I was really doing well with following my hunger signals and eating only when I was hungry. It was great! I was spending some awesome time with the Lord and so focused on Him that I really didn't even care about food. All praise and glory to Him! But the last few days have been a struggle mostly because of some emotional things I was dealing with. I looked to food for comfort just like I have done a lot in the last year. Today there have been so many times I have wanted to eat. I really wanted to eat...but I wasn't hungry and I told myself no. And I prayed and asked the Lord for help. And He did! Thank you, Lord!!
I am learning to take my eyes off of me and what my flesh wants, and instead looking to the Lord and desiring to do what honors Him. It's all about Him. For so long I have tried to do all of this myself. Even with Thin Within I found myself depending upon myself and thinking that *I* could do it all, but I always failed. But we will never fail with the Lord! When we are weak, He is strong!! Praise the Lord!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Tears
It's been awhile since I have posted anything here. I would like to do it more regularily, especially since I feel like I have more of an understanding about some things. The Lord has done some amazing things. I realize that Thin Within hasn't "worked" for me in the past because I wasn't really including the Lord. I wasn't doing it for Him, I was doing it for me. In the past few days I have been sitting at the diningroom table (instead of in front of the tv, computer, or having anything distract me) praying over my food and asking Him to join me during my meal and to help me to know when I am satisfied. I know that might sound elementary, but it's better than diving in and thinking, "It's all about me!"
I started again on Thin Within's Workbook #1. I'm on week 4, but it should be more like week 30-something. Ha!
Many tears have been cried today. Last night too. Last night I wanted to comfort myself with a bowl of cereal. I knew I didn't need to and just needed to curl up in the loving lap of my Father, but I ate the bowl of cereal anyway. I have repented and will continue on in His grace. There's a lot of emotions flaring up today, but no desire to eat my emotions away. Only God can take care of those.
I just need His Word today, especially today. It's a good day to cuddle up with the Lord and to read about His blessings and promises.
Did you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own. You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I really like that scripture and this time when I read it "within" really stood out to me. Thin Within. The Holy Spirit is within us, wanting to make us whole again in Him. He wants to tear down any stronghold that is holding us back from getting closer to Him. He wants to shred and destroy every lie the enemy has told us. He wants to set us free!
I started again on Thin Within's Workbook #1. I'm on week 4, but it should be more like week 30-something. Ha!
Many tears have been cried today. Last night too. Last night I wanted to comfort myself with a bowl of cereal. I knew I didn't need to and just needed to curl up in the loving lap of my Father, but I ate the bowl of cereal anyway. I have repented and will continue on in His grace. There's a lot of emotions flaring up today, but no desire to eat my emotions away. Only God can take care of those.
I just need His Word today, especially today. It's a good day to cuddle up with the Lord and to read about His blessings and promises.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Thankful
Tonight I spent sometime with some ladies who were selling products for different companies. One of the companies was a clothing line company. I was urged to try on some of the clothes and "model" them. So I did. They kept on commenting on how good I looked and how they would never be able to pull such an outfit off like I could. And I came away from that experience amazed. I do feel so much better about the way I look. It was an encouraging time.
I explained to my husband tonight that I have a hard time relaxing and enjoying my life because I feel like I should always be doing something productive. That's why I have read so many "self-help" books because I think that I'm still doing something productive. For many years I wouldn't read fiction because I thought it was a waste of time and I should really be learning something instead of actually enjoying reading. In the last year I have learned to enjoy reading fiction again, but right now I'm going through a spurt where I almost feel guilty for reading for enjoyment. There are many things I enjoy doing, but I really have to settle down before I allow myself to do them. But I am learning and I will continue to learn to relax. My husband encouraged me that maybe reading that book by Dr. Colbert isn't what I should be reading right now as it's another book that I'm trying to use to figure something out. And he's right. So I will probably lay that book to rest for the time being.
But I did pick up another book I started reading in January again tonight and found myself chuckling. It's called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. It's a good book with common-sense ways to overcome worry. I highly recommend it. I've only read through half of the book and the part I did read in the beginning of the year has helped me through so much so far. This book is for encouragement, not a "fixer" for me. That's what I think right now anyway. Ha!
I have to be careful right now to make sure I enJOY my life to the fullest! And to make sure I do that on purpose.
You know, I'm going to start living life right NOW and to live in the NOW...no, I'm not going to be stupid and not plan ahead for those things that need planning (the Lord knows I do enough of that anyway). But I'm tired of constantly worrying about what ifs and holding my breath for "just in case", and regretting something I said or did the day before. I cannot do anything NOW about those things from before or that are before me, but I can live my life right now and enjoy right NOW what God has blessed me with.
Five things I'm thankful for right this moment (this is something I would like to think of each day--but I may not post it):
1. My husband, who is so wise, wonderful, and patient.
2. For my kitties, who bring such joy into my life.
3. For my friends, who support me and love me no matter what.
4. For indoor plumbing (I could kiss the person who invented the toilet! Now come on, I know you are thankful for that too! Ha!)
5. For the sound of the rain...oh, it's beautiful!
I explained to my husband tonight that I have a hard time relaxing and enjoying my life because I feel like I should always be doing something productive. That's why I have read so many "self-help" books because I think that I'm still doing something productive. For many years I wouldn't read fiction because I thought it was a waste of time and I should really be learning something instead of actually enjoying reading. In the last year I have learned to enjoy reading fiction again, but right now I'm going through a spurt where I almost feel guilty for reading for enjoyment. There are many things I enjoy doing, but I really have to settle down before I allow myself to do them. But I am learning and I will continue to learn to relax. My husband encouraged me that maybe reading that book by Dr. Colbert isn't what I should be reading right now as it's another book that I'm trying to use to figure something out. And he's right. So I will probably lay that book to rest for the time being.
But I did pick up another book I started reading in January again tonight and found myself chuckling. It's called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. It's a good book with common-sense ways to overcome worry. I highly recommend it. I've only read through half of the book and the part I did read in the beginning of the year has helped me through so much so far. This book is for encouragement, not a "fixer" for me. That's what I think right now anyway. Ha!
I have to be careful right now to make sure I enJOY my life to the fullest! And to make sure I do that on purpose.
You know, I'm going to start living life right NOW and to live in the NOW...no, I'm not going to be stupid and not plan ahead for those things that need planning (the Lord knows I do enough of that anyway). But I'm tired of constantly worrying about what ifs and holding my breath for "just in case", and regretting something I said or did the day before. I cannot do anything NOW about those things from before or that are before me, but I can live my life right now and enjoy right NOW what God has blessed me with.
Five things I'm thankful for right this moment (this is something I would like to think of each day--but I may not post it):
1. My husband, who is so wise, wonderful, and patient.
2. For my kitties, who bring such joy into my life.
3. For my friends, who support me and love me no matter what.
4. For indoor plumbing (I could kiss the person who invented the toilet! Now come on, I know you are thankful for that too! Ha!)
5. For the sound of the rain...oh, it's beautiful!
"Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]." James 1:17
Addicted to Stress?
Yeah...what a question! But I could be, I really could be. I started reading a book last night by Dr. Don Colbert called Deadly Emotions. My mother-in-law bought it for me knowing that I've dealt with some stressful things in my life that have effected my physical body. In the last few months I have realized just how much stress effects me through headaches, stomach problems, break-outs on my face, etc. It's so interesting to me. So I'm thinking this book will be full of some good information and will explain more things to me.
And so I wonder if I have been addicted to stress. Dr. Colbert talks about how people become addicted that the adrenaline rush and live from one stress to another. Last night I really wanted to find a book or something to read that would help me grow in different areas, like being nicer or something (ha), but I realized that I was trying to find something to help another flaw I might have in my life. (I really am a nice person by the way. Ha!) I have bought SO many books to "help" me. And they are all Christian books, but just because something is a good thing doesn't mean it's a GOD thing. They are excellent books, but outside of God's timing, I'm really wasting my time. I want HIS help! He has lead me to read books, half of books, etc. to teach me things. And when He's the one leading me to those books, it's awesome, but when it's on my own, I start to panic. All of a sudden I'm feeling pressure that I *have* to do those things the book says and I need to be perfect in this area right away. Information is good, but for me, too much information is an ugly thing.
In the last year I have gained 10-15 pounds and I truly believe it's from stress. That cortisol has gone right to my tummy!
So I am going to be praying and asking the Lord to help me relax (more) and for His peace that passes all understanding. I have nothing to worry about! God is my pilot, and He will lead me beside still waters. He will be with me as I walk through the valleys. He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. He is my comfort!!
Amen!
And so I wonder if I have been addicted to stress. Dr. Colbert talks about how people become addicted that the adrenaline rush and live from one stress to another. Last night I really wanted to find a book or something to read that would help me grow in different areas, like being nicer or something (ha), but I realized that I was trying to find something to help another flaw I might have in my life. (I really am a nice person by the way. Ha!) I have bought SO many books to "help" me. And they are all Christian books, but just because something is a good thing doesn't mean it's a GOD thing. They are excellent books, but outside of God's timing, I'm really wasting my time. I want HIS help! He has lead me to read books, half of books, etc. to teach me things. And when He's the one leading me to those books, it's awesome, but when it's on my own, I start to panic. All of a sudden I'm feeling pressure that I *have* to do those things the book says and I need to be perfect in this area right away. Information is good, but for me, too much information is an ugly thing.
In the last year I have gained 10-15 pounds and I truly believe it's from stress. That cortisol has gone right to my tummy!
So I am going to be praying and asking the Lord to help me relax (more) and for His peace that passes all understanding. I have nothing to worry about! God is my pilot, and He will lead me beside still waters. He will be with me as I walk through the valleys. He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. He is my comfort!!
Amen!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Here again
It's been awhile since I've posted here. I was on vacation for a few weeks and I'm now getting back into my routine. I hope to post more here.
What has happened with eating like a "normal" person since the last time I wrote? Well, I think I've actually released some weight (about 4 pounds), but I've also had a lot of diet thoughts running through my head. A few days ago I signed on again (yes again) with Weight Watchers online. I believe the Lord allowed me to do that so He could show me (hopefully once and for all) that man's set of general rules do not apply for every person. My body seems to require more fuel than the "points" prescribed by WW. It's discouraging when you are several points over and you are very hungry--so hungry to a point where you will hurt someone if you don't eat something soon. I always have felt so defeated with dieting because there was no way I could only eat what they suggest.
Last night I felt like I needed some encouragement, so I went to "God Is Doing A New Thing" and was encouraged by Heidi's enthusiasm. And this morning I did another day of the Thin Within workbook that is taking me well over 12 weeks to go through. (It's a 12-week workbook). I have so much peace about following my hunger signals...so why, oh WHY do I keep on looking for a miracle? If it's not Weight Watchers, it's South Beach. These thoughts bombarde my mind.
I am also keep on hearing the thoughts that tell me if I would only eat a certain way, then I would get pregnant. But it's not about what I eat. I have faith and I'm believing that God will bless us with children. There are plenty of women in this world who eat all of the food they can get their hands on, and they have children!! I wish that lie would completely leave my head and I never have to think on it again! I'm not unhealthy; I'm healthy!! I have nothing to worry about! (Just giving myself a little pep-talk there)
Have you ever been scared? You know what I feel like I'm scared of right now...getting down and dirty with facing some issues. I'm terrified to open a book that will challenge me or that might make me cry. I'm not ready to face those things. I have a wonderful life, but because of the hard time I went through with emotional healing, it's hard for me to even open a book that might touch on more emotional healing. I know that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, but I guess I don't even want to think about handling anymore of that. (Which probably shows right there that there's more to be done). I've noticed it's hard for me to be still and just relax. My mind is constantly going and I'm constantly keeping myself busy with things so I don't have to face reality on some things. And when it gets too quiet, I find something to eat. So that's probably why I have weight to release, because I have looked to food to help me through emotions.
I'm not a big person. I have 20 pounds to lose. But what scares me is that in the last year my body has changed so much...and never before did it go through such a fast change like that. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want food to be my sidekick to get me through tough situations. I want to go to the Lord's feet and cry out for His help.
The other day I ordered a study called The Lord's Table which is probably a lot like Thin Within, but hey, I will take any help and encouragement I can get because I know what I'm dealing with is emotional things. I think it's other things too, like when I tell myself I cannot have something right away I feel deprived and want to eat it like it's going out of style. Why is it that candy bars all of a sudden look so much better than they did before when you tell yourself you cannot have one? There's nothing wrong with eating a candy bar. God doesn't have all of the rules about eating in the Bible...at least not like all of the rules the millions of diets have.
I feel so aggressive right now. I can even see it in my writing. I wonder if I've put up a shield to try to protect myself from something. I don't know. But the Lord knows and He will help me.
What has happened with eating like a "normal" person since the last time I wrote? Well, I think I've actually released some weight (about 4 pounds), but I've also had a lot of diet thoughts running through my head. A few days ago I signed on again (yes again) with Weight Watchers online. I believe the Lord allowed me to do that so He could show me (hopefully once and for all) that man's set of general rules do not apply for every person. My body seems to require more fuel than the "points" prescribed by WW. It's discouraging when you are several points over and you are very hungry--so hungry to a point where you will hurt someone if you don't eat something soon. I always have felt so defeated with dieting because there was no way I could only eat what they suggest.
Last night I felt like I needed some encouragement, so I went to "God Is Doing A New Thing" and was encouraged by Heidi's enthusiasm. And this morning I did another day of the Thin Within workbook that is taking me well over 12 weeks to go through. (It's a 12-week workbook). I have so much peace about following my hunger signals...so why, oh WHY do I keep on looking for a miracle? If it's not Weight Watchers, it's South Beach. These thoughts bombarde my mind.
I am also keep on hearing the thoughts that tell me if I would only eat a certain way, then I would get pregnant. But it's not about what I eat. I have faith and I'm believing that God will bless us with children. There are plenty of women in this world who eat all of the food they can get their hands on, and they have children!! I wish that lie would completely leave my head and I never have to think on it again! I'm not unhealthy; I'm healthy!! I have nothing to worry about! (Just giving myself a little pep-talk there)
Have you ever been scared? You know what I feel like I'm scared of right now...getting down and dirty with facing some issues. I'm terrified to open a book that will challenge me or that might make me cry. I'm not ready to face those things. I have a wonderful life, but because of the hard time I went through with emotional healing, it's hard for me to even open a book that might touch on more emotional healing. I know that the Lord will never give me more than I can handle, but I guess I don't even want to think about handling anymore of that. (Which probably shows right there that there's more to be done). I've noticed it's hard for me to be still and just relax. My mind is constantly going and I'm constantly keeping myself busy with things so I don't have to face reality on some things. And when it gets too quiet, I find something to eat. So that's probably why I have weight to release, because I have looked to food to help me through emotions.
I'm not a big person. I have 20 pounds to lose. But what scares me is that in the last year my body has changed so much...and never before did it go through such a fast change like that. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want food to be my sidekick to get me through tough situations. I want to go to the Lord's feet and cry out for His help.
The other day I ordered a study called The Lord's Table which is probably a lot like Thin Within, but hey, I will take any help and encouragement I can get because I know what I'm dealing with is emotional things. I think it's other things too, like when I tell myself I cannot have something right away I feel deprived and want to eat it like it's going out of style. Why is it that candy bars all of a sudden look so much better than they did before when you tell yourself you cannot have one? There's nothing wrong with eating a candy bar. God doesn't have all of the rules about eating in the Bible...at least not like all of the rules the millions of diets have.
I feel so aggressive right now. I can even see it in my writing. I wonder if I've put up a shield to try to protect myself from something. I don't know. But the Lord knows and He will help me.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Thoughts for Today
It's weird to look at a current picture of yourself and see the changes in your body affected by overeating, especially when you always used to look a certain way in all of the previous pictures. One day it catches up to you and you feel a deep sadness that you've gone so far. I want to stop, turn around and head back the other way.
So many feelings have been twirling around in my mind, heart and soul already today. I've cried a couple of times. It's interesting the emotional healing that takes place and the times it takes place. I'm learning that crying is ok and that I will need to cry from time to time just go get that stuff out and on the surface so the loving hand of the Lord can wipe it away. Numbing those feelings with food is not helpful.
It was interesting this morning as I was eating breakfast because I knew I was hungry, but I had no desire to eat. I sat at the table, practicing eating mindfully, and I tried to concentrate on my food. "Mmmm...oatmeal!" I thought that and then thought, "Oh, who am I kidding?" So I pushed the bowl away. That is a huge step for me...and not even a planned one. If I would have taken the bowl of oatmeal and sat in front of the computer or TV, then it would have been a different story. I probably would have shoved every last drop into my mouth, without even being present during the eating process.
This morning I was looking at some beautiful pictures of some family members who are such beautiful people and I so wish I could be the size that they are. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but there are times I do. And after thinking about it for awhile, I realized something...they are not on a diet. They just eat. They eat what they like. They aren't overeating! They live normal lives and look at eating as a normal thing. And again, I felt good about being a normal eater.
My mind wraps itself around the idea of dieting many times during the day. It's an annoyance! So many times I want to run to a diet and find that miracle. I did that last week when I signed up again for Weight Watchers online and canceled the very same day because I realized how foolish it was for me to put myself on another diet. I don't need a diet. It's not about food. It's about what's on the inside of me. Food cannot love me. Food cannot accept me. Food cannot comfort me. God loves me. God accepts me. God comforts me. How foolish it is for me to think that food can take the place of God.
So many feelings have been twirling around in my mind, heart and soul already today. I've cried a couple of times. It's interesting the emotional healing that takes place and the times it takes place. I'm learning that crying is ok and that I will need to cry from time to time just go get that stuff out and on the surface so the loving hand of the Lord can wipe it away. Numbing those feelings with food is not helpful.
It was interesting this morning as I was eating breakfast because I knew I was hungry, but I had no desire to eat. I sat at the table, practicing eating mindfully, and I tried to concentrate on my food. "Mmmm...oatmeal!" I thought that and then thought, "Oh, who am I kidding?" So I pushed the bowl away. That is a huge step for me...and not even a planned one. If I would have taken the bowl of oatmeal and sat in front of the computer or TV, then it would have been a different story. I probably would have shoved every last drop into my mouth, without even being present during the eating process.
This morning I was looking at some beautiful pictures of some family members who are such beautiful people and I so wish I could be the size that they are. I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but there are times I do. And after thinking about it for awhile, I realized something...they are not on a diet. They just eat. They eat what they like. They aren't overeating! They live normal lives and look at eating as a normal thing. And again, I felt good about being a normal eater.
My mind wraps itself around the idea of dieting many times during the day. It's an annoyance! So many times I want to run to a diet and find that miracle. I did that last week when I signed up again for Weight Watchers online and canceled the very same day because I realized how foolish it was for me to put myself on another diet. I don't need a diet. It's not about food. It's about what's on the inside of me. Food cannot love me. Food cannot accept me. Food cannot comfort me. God loves me. God accepts me. God comforts me. How foolish it is for me to think that food can take the place of God.
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